I'm sitting here checking my email and my kids are watching TV. It's some documentary-type show about a remote African culture. The narrator is a woman from some foreign land, wearing a gorgeous scarf and long, beautiful earrings. I'm reminded of something that happened last week, so I think I'll ramble about that for a while and see what comes of it.
My 21 month-old daughter and I were in TJ Maxx ("T J Maks-ks" as my GPS lady says) one morning last week looking for a few cheap but cute hand towels that I could turn into bibs when a woman stopped to admire my girl. She talked to her, asking about the book she was looking at and pointing out the "puppy-doggie" on the page she was turned to. She seemed like a nice enough lady, regardless of the baby talk that irritates me.
"She's so cute, you should get her ears pierced!" the woman exclaimed to me.
If she's so cute, I thought, why would she need any embellishment? If she were an ugly child, what would you say? Maybe, "Wow, that child could use some help. You should get her ears pierced."
I have a couple of pretty generic responses, when someone says something like that. This time it was:
"Thank you for your opinion. I'll consider it."
When I say that, I truly mean it. Sometimes that consideration is fleeting and other times it lasts for weeks. But honestly, sometimes it's just to shut the person up, and that's what it was today. What can a person say in response to that? Actually, sometimes they keep rambling on, like the old man on Ellis Island who insisted my kids have a huge dose of religious learning every day. This woman wasn't that bold, apparently. She smiled at me, said, "buh-bye bay-beeee," to my daughter in a high-pitched voice that had to be as painful to her throat as it was to my ears, and wandered into the row of mostly ugly blouses.
This time, my consideration was brief. I've only had a daughter for 21 months so I don't have years of first-hand experience with such girly topics, but on this one I'm pretty much set.
I feel that it's my daughter's decision to get or not get her ears pierced, with veto power held by her parents. I'm not going to decide for her that she should have holes put into her body. That's her call. When she's ready to ask for that, we'll consider it. At that time, Daddy and I get to decide whether or not we think she's ready for it (meaning that she can responsibly keep her piercings clean and her jewelry well-cared for, etc.) regardless of her desire for it. I'll probably accept her decision and then make her wait a good while, so she can not only reconsider it but also so she can have the joy and excitement that only comes with looking forward to something you really really really really want. We're too much of an instant-gratification society, anyway.
At the same time, it doesn't bother me immensely to see other wee people with ears pierced. I think they're cute, most of the time, but cute like a dog with a sweater on. I'd never ever own one, but there is something cute about them. My little niece was downright adorable with her teeny tiny sparkles on her earlobes. I've also seen toddlers with hoop earrings, which I think is a good way to earn a trip to the ER.
I knew a mama once who had identical twin daughters. I'm usually pretty good at spotting differences in twins and being able to tell them apart, but in this case it was nearly impossible. I thought it made sense that she got the girls ears pierced and gave them different colored earrings to tell them apart. She could tell at a glance which child was which no matter what they were wearing or if they were wearing nothing, like at bath time. I wonder if it would truly matter if you mixed up your twins one day and then never unmixed them. I suppose if no one ever knew it wouldn't matter, but if I was their mom it would devastate me if that happened.
I've heard people state their belief that getting ears pierced is a rite of passage. I agree with that. In my opinion, 8-12 is a good age range for the first ear piercing. Later is always great too, or even never, but I think 7 year-olds are still too young to be given not only the responsibility of keeping their piercings healthy but, more importantly, the decision of whether or not to get the piercings in the first place. I remember getting my ears pierced, and it was a special day for me. I had to wait until I was 8 years old. It was a memorable day for me - just my mom and I went to the next town to get it done. With two siblings, a million and three cousins, and a constant flood of neighborhood kids to and from our house, (not to mention the many jobs my mom always seemed to have) I didn't get a lot of one-on-one time with my Mom, so this was precious. Sure, it hurt, for a second. It was no worse than the stubbed toes I acquired throughout the summer or the countless mosquito stings or even the occasional sliver from walking barefoot on a weather-worn porch. It's even less painful than a paper cut or a bitten tongue. In fact, I'd choose the brief pain of ear-piercing over any of those other things. This is not a decision that should be made based on the pain.
Most kids are going to experiment with some rebellious behavior in their pre-teen or teen years. I heard one mom tell about her 14 year-old who got her ears pierced during a mall outing with her friends despite explicit orders not to. I thought, "Better that than drugs or sex in the back seat of a car." If we take away all the less harmful desires, they'll have nothing left but the worst ones. After all, some kids rebel just to rebel, not because they are really sincere about the topic they choose for their rebellion. If my daughter wants to defy me on something, please let her choose to get her ears pierced and NOT sample a drug!!
While I do believe it's a choice a girl should be allowed to be involved in, I think that this is also an argument that can go awry. I'm familiar with a private school that attracts a lot of natural, outdoorsy, "hippie" types of folks. You know, organic food, extensive recycling, attachment parenting, breastfeeding 'til age 6, parents + kids + dogs + cats + the baby = one big family bed, no vaccinations, that sort of thing. There was one mother who was so adamant about not getting her kids the recommended vaccinations (which the school had to require for licensing reasons) that she created a huge stink about it, saying the school and the licensing agency didn't have the right to impose such a requirement upon its students. She argued that vaccinations were foreign to the body, can cause unknown problems, and that children should have the right to refuse them. Her son had the longest golden locks because he didn't like to get his hair cut - that was his choice, she said. Yet her baby daughter's ears were pierced. Dangly foreign objects of what she called a "Nepalese design" (don't ask me, I just smiled and nodded) plugging up holes that were not natural in her body, none of which was chosen by the tiny girl. Where is the logic in that?
I could probably go on, because I do that when I'm tired and I find a topic with so many valid (and invalid) arguments for and against it. Just so you know, I'm not picking fights here. If you have an opinion or story and you want to share, fine, but don't judge me for what I say. This is my blog, after all.
What's your opinion on that topic? Does your culture lean one way or the other on it? Why do you feel the way you do?
